What's up people? It's been quite a while since I've updated my blog. Quite dead right? xD
Well. Actually feel like deleting this blog. But then feel like posting some stuff before I leave this place :))
As you know I got an awesome girlfriend for the pass 5 months. Alot of stuff happened in there. I can just say it out mostly what happened, the stuff that I feel hurt and lifeless. As you can see every boyfriend will do anything to make their girlfriend happy so that they can last forever. Such as waking up early in the morning just to cook breakfast for them, walking or driving to their house when they're alone and the most common thing of all... watching a movie with them, mostly about spending time :P
I, as a boyfriend did those stuff above just to see her smile. I admit that on our first valentines day I didn't wrap the present cause I just think that it's a day where lovers give stuff to each other no matter wrapped or not wrapped. I admit there are times where I did my mistakes and I even kneel down to say sorry. Alot of stuff. I just dont have the mood to post.
But I can tell you this.
Keep using Facebook to say what a douche am I. Tell the world what a failure am I. :))
Hey. It's been a while. Hope I didn't lose any of my readers if I have some :))
Well. I've not been posting stuff for a long time cause a lot of things happened in my life too quickly and didn't have the time to summarize them down. Guess I can do it today eh?
A main incident happened and changed my lifestyle completely. A few weeks back. My ex-girlfriend and I argued for some nights. The arguements that we argued we some small matters and I don't know why we argued about them. Then it started. A beautiful schooling day morning, my schoolmates and I will be sitting in the hall as usual. Mostly I will be in my row daydreaming, chatting with my ex or disturbing my friends that is surrounding me. But that day I was still tired even though before that day I had a 12 hours nap. I'm not sure why, I made my bag to stand and then lay my head on top of my bag and then dozed off. Suddenly she came and called me up by poking me. When I knew it was her. I straight woke up in order to hear some good news. But instead I've heard a sentence which I'm already prepared to faced which is "我們分手".
On that point, I was speechless and shocked for her to say that sentence. So I just went back to sleep. After the assembly, we will mostly line up and walk back to our own classes systematically. But since the next day was a concert and I've participated in one of the events. I stayed back. During that time, I was a bit hurt from that sentence since that was the first sentence I've heard from her that day besides the morning call and stuff. In order to hide the sadness I've wore a mask and continue to practice. We kinda practiced till the schooling period ends. That time she chatted with me. We chatted a lot of stuff. Then she asked me a question, "Do you agree about this decision?" This question had camped in my mind for quite a long time cause for every decision I make I will always regret about it since every decision you will face consequences. Now that reminds me. A few more weeks back. My maths teacher said this sentence to my classmates and I.
"The decisions that you chose to do. It's final and you should not regret making that choice."
For me. I think that what she says IS PURE BULLSHIT. I know. What we do or don't do. We sure regret on them. Even though we shouldn't regret about it. Right now till this day. I still regretted on doing a lot of stuff. And one of them is telling her after her trip from Japan. :))
That day passed and so it continues to the concert day. I gotta attend school early cause that will be my final practice. During that time, she came. When I know she came... At first I didn't have the face to see her. But then since she came to see the performance and also she's my friend. I came down from the stage to accompany her. We didn't chat much but I stayed by her side like last time we're still together. I stayed there till the time when it's my turn to practice. So I told her, that I'll go and practice. She said okay.
After the rehearsal. I talked to her and then packed my stuff cause I've promised my friend to go to his house to do some stuff. So I told her I gotta go and followed a dancer from that rehearsal to my friend's house since she stayed near to his house. At that point, I knew I did wrong for not staying by her side. But I've promised my friend. Guess decisions really DO have consequences. After I left the hall. I walked to my friend's house. At that time, I received a message from a friend that she broke down in tears. I was shocked to know about it too. But I guess it's just too late :x So that time I was at my friend's house doing stuff and at the same time SMS her. I really can't stop SMS her don't know why. Till that night. I was extremely excited cause that will my my first time performing for the school. I just followed the procedure like as planned. In the end. It was a blast! I really had fun that night. At the same time I though of asking her back. Since I said I will wait :) I haven't confirm my decision yet. So I've planned to tell her the next morning. So I went home and SMS her for awhile. After that I just slept on my bed since I was very tired.
The next day, the day where my heart shattered to pieces. In the morning when I woke up. I received a message from my cousin saying that I really need to check what happened on Facebook. I straight went to the computer to check instead of telling her I want her back. When I checked what's going on. I saw her being in a relationship with a bastard which I've despised since the first day I knew about she talking to this dude. I knew that he isn't a good sign for our relationship. I was angered and pissed cause she too promised that she will wait for me after Japan. After that she called me, we chat on the phone with tears on our eyes. During that time, I was being heartless since I saw such a heartbreaking post in the morning. I can't say what was going on the phone since it's privacy :))
After the phone call. I've regretted a few things. First is. For letting her to meet that bastard cause I don't talk a lot of topics to her. :x second I argued with her for so long. Making her to feel this relationship to be cold and then asked her to say that sentence.
A week has passed and she's coming back tonight. And now, I still have the feel for her but then I gotta let it go since she will be with that bastard or another dude from my school or maybe no one I guess? But right now I've made a decision that I think I will regret for my school life. And I still gotta live my life. Should I regret?
Message to her if she's reading this
Hey. I know I hurt your heart a lot of times. I regretted on doing so. But right now, I think I can't regret anymore since I made this decision to follow your decision. So if you come back from Japan. And maybe accept among one of them. I wish you all the best in the future with that guy. IF he ever cheat on you, let me know. I will make him pay :))
William, signing out :))
你不知道的事
A knight with shining armor approaching the castle
A flurry of arrows appeared and came flying at the knight.
The knight defended the arrows with its shield.
A small number of arrows pierced his body and yet he still kept on going.
When he reached to the bridge near the castle.
A flaming arrow pierced through his shield and the knight got shot in the heart.
He then got killed by the arrow :)
Well. It's holiday time now and it passed. For everyone is a week of happiness. For me is happiness and sadness. I really screwed up my whole week and also school life. I really fed up of my life. I really destroyed a part of it. I really screwed it. I'm a failure.
At Monday. I went out with her. I was freaking excited during that day cause it will be the first (and also the last) time I go out with her. I remembered that time I was using everything she gave me. It was fun and I felt happy going out with her, we did every thing like what usually couples do. Go watch a movie, hold her hand during the movie. After that we went to a nearby restaurant to chat about stuff. While. Batting suddenly a message came out from her phone. " Is william going? " that message was sent by a friend of hers. She is my previous crush last year which i only treat her as a friend now and she had an outing to go to sunway with her friends and she asked me, my gf and my close friend to go. I asked her should I attend this outing. I also told her that my close friend going. I think because of that she sent her a message to her friend that I'm going. I was worried about that decision she done for me. I scare she will be jealous or even angry. But what she really thinks that she fear that I will love her again. After the decision was made. We continued to talk but inside my mind I'm thinking why did she wants me to go when she's not going. We chat till my mum came and pick me up. That day ended quite happy with a mind cracking question. " Why did she wants me to go".
Nothing really happened until Wednesday. Because her family was out for something. I went to her house to accompany her. I went to her house sitting there and accompany her. I planned to accompany her the whole day cause she ain't going to sunway which is at Thursday. But sadly my mum called me and asked me to return home. I stayed there for 3 hours and went home. Hoping that she will be alright with that decision she made. At night my close friend came to my house for a sleepover due to for quite some time he didnt come. He stayed till Saturday.
Thursday morning. I woke up and send her a sweet good morning message like I used to do. She replied me in a cold way. Then I was thinking whether is she sad or jealous. I went out with a puzzle on my head. We went there and met up with them with that puzzle still solving. We kinda had fun there. During that time I was thinking about how fun and cool my primary school life is. Till at night I was shocked that she, my ex crush is with my 5 year close friend. She confessed to him. During that time I got a weird feeling inside me I can't explain it. I sit there and thinking about why do I have that feeling.
Friday. The day where sadness covers the happiness just like the night sky cover up the beautiful evening sky. That day my parents asked me to break up with her after all the 3months of being together due to the change in me. I've changed. Like what alot of people said. Not in a good way but a bad way. I texted her and said about breaking up due to parents. I can't change it. They didn't agree about this. My studies dropped. My concentration level gone down to ground zero. We texted and agreed. After that I cried. Cried like mad. Thanks to my close friend who supported and cheering me up. After that I've calm down and sat down quietly like a run down brain damaged mule
Saturday. Nothing much happened till night. She asked me to be honest with her whether do I have the feel for my ex crush. I said yes since is only the feel but not loving her. Her mood went down and I went to sleep due to fed up about my destiny.
Today. I sent her a good morning message and I said I'm going out. So she said when I'm at home only she find me. Then when I'm at home. She called and we chatted. We chat till she said. William I think you must grow up. When she said that. It really reminds me of my late grandfather saying to me that I'll grow up to be a good man with a good and happy family. She even told me after 1 month she would like o see changes. I will try and change for that.
What I mentioned from above I think you guys can't feel what I felt. It's ok. No one can feel this pain.
Now the message to my ex crush.
I hope you will treat him good and not to play with his feelings in order to do some shitty things. He's a good man. I might not know him like you do. But what I know about him is I treat his as my very own brother. He is handsome, tall, and smarter than me by alot. And even funnier than me. Treat him good.
William, signing out
Well. 2months plus had passed and some pretty deep shit situations happen. I'm clearly saying I'm not myself anymore. Somewhat changed into a fucked up William. My emoticons got the upper hand and took over me. Everything that I'm not satisfied or hate I'll be in a angry rage mode. Because of this situation. I've lost a friend. A bloody close one. Not to say she's dead or anything but yeah, I scolded her out of pure anger and hate like I'm another version of Ghost Rider. Asian and short. Ok back to story. I scolded her and we became enemies or something like that. Arch nemesis?
And by scolding my close friend. I've also lost my bibiboo. You might not know who she is. But to me she's a damn good, beautiful, funny, friendly, caring type of girl that have been accompanying me, walking beside me on this road in the Year of the Sadness Dragon for 2 months and 20 days. I feel happy walking with this girl, but I guess she had left me and I walk this broken road alone again :) she's just plainly awesome. I even loved her starting from September last year till now and i still love her. But now, it's just me walking this road alone. My life kinda suck now actually. Mum nag all day about studies, family problems every now and then. And just recent.
My best bud that I've known for 4 years is being promoted to go up another class. I'm ok with it but I'm gonna be lonely everytime starting tomorrow. No one disturbing me, talking bullshit with me and any other crap. Losing this guy that's been sitting with me for 1 year straight is really counted as losing a part of my school life. Being in class would suck everyday now. I want someone to be beside me doing the same stuff he did. Like this it will still be awesome. Now I've lost a huge connection of friends because of this new situation. I'm feeling lonely and also feeling knives stabbing me from the back. I don't wanna feel lonely this last year. Lonely to someone is nothing. But for me it's something scary. I have a fear of being lonely. Got this from a young age. And that's good for my friends cause I cant hold grudges for even a day. But hours yes. I just don't know what to do. Should I just stop walking or continue until I see the end? This year is my final journey in my schooling years. I'll try my best to cherish this final year of my schooling era.
My message to those 3 important people that I've mentioned above
Friend : sorry for what I've did today, wasn't thinking straight. I think this was my first time scolding someone without even knowing what's the main problem. But seriously I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you someday. I might even help you beat the shit out of your ex someday during this year? :) take care of your health and stay happy with your bf. He should be happy for having you. :)
Bibiboo : hey. I know you've been checking my blog everytime when you're free. :) what I want to say to you is. I know we had arguments and I can't love you right. I've made you cry too during some arguments. I'll be waiting for your decision. If you chose "that". I would want to say that i am not your Mr. Right. Someone out there is your Mr. Right but not silly me. I only make your life worse. You'll find a better one that is more handsome, understanding, lovable, funny and caring than me by ten folds. :) I'm just a normal 17 year old boy who knows nothing about love. But if you choose to stay together. I'll learn the ways to treat you right. Make you smile everyday. Laugh everyday and so. Any decision you do I'll just follow cause it's your decision and I can't stop you. Try and don't think negatively. Think positive and move forward :) 我会等着你的决定。
Best bud : hey fag! You wont be reading my blog but I just want to write it down just to let you know. For the 3 years being with you in the same class was plainly awesome. All the shit we two together. It's fun. Still remember the first time i met you. I though you were a dick. But now this dick is a cool dick if you know what I mean :p you might be an annoyance sometimes but overall you're cool. Hope after SPM I'll be sitting your car and we gonna go out like mad. :p all the best for your SPM yeah? :)
The Final Journey, My Final Destination starts now. William signing out
Well. After 2 months of a relationship. I'm single again :(
The decision that I've made. If you told me about that earlier. I shouldn't have made it. I guess right now your friends are all on an Anti-Me campaign or something like that. I'm sorry that I can't be your Mr. Right. Your Prince Charming. I'm just a guy that I think I suck in these type of stuff.
Dear. I know that message was sudden. I keep thinking that I was your problem that made you cry almost every night which is not. Besides, I too also gave problem to you to make you cry. I swear you'll find someone better, funnier, and give more caring and love to you more than I do.
I still love you and care about you, dear :)
Even if we break. I will still be your friend :)
And I'll try my very best to make our class to be as the same as last year :)
It's been a long time since I've even touched this old bugger. The last time i remembered touching it is after an wonderful event that is held in Subang and before my Second Term's exam. HEHE :P
Well after so many years of schooling. This will be the final year of my schooling days. I can still remember the times when we had fun during secondary school like it happened yesterday. Gotta do everything in school to the fullest! Ain't gonna do this anymore after this year.
FYI, I'm currently in a relationship with someone. When we are together. I can feel the happiness in me increased in a greater amount. Everyday my face will be happy from the beginning of the day till the time when I'm about to sleep or maybe even when I'm sleeping. This feeling is indescribable. Its like there's someone inside me trying to shout out of joy. :)
But after a month or so, some stuff happened. And I'm began to worry about her. Whether is she ok, or does she have a problem, maybe i can solve it for her?
But who knows. Maybe I'm the problem to her? maybe not? What is this feeling?
To that person that might be reading this.
No matter what you do, I'll still love you
I missed the times when we are happy together :)
Hope every problems that you faced will be solved immediately :)
I'll hope every single day that you'll be smiling.
Love you <3 :*
